journal
12/01/2024
FAWWWK hi giusyssssysydussuds
ummmmm... been a while! so lots have happened bc it has literally been a year but hi guys life update!
so... i graduated 05/2023. got into college, not too prestegious but i think it's fine. currently in my second semester of freshman year. decided on psychology premed, and i got a new job. i now work at this small local business and i love it so bad because my boss is like my mother.
i also finally got a pc and i play overwatch every day sorry i love that game it sucks so bad i cant stop hearing kiriko suzu out of nowhere.
i don't really know what else is interested enough to share. i came back because i wanted a place to put everything. a lot has been going on in my brain and, i know i always say this, but i need a place to put it lol.
hopefully i am able to update more frequently but i have been trying to prioritise school more than i did in high school. also, following tradition, it is 2am as i am typing this!
19/02/2023
hi LOL
i've been quite busy lately.. i finally got a car (i got my license aug 2022) so of course i keep getting asked for rides from all my friends who don't yet have their licenses, and my 15 year old brother..
i also FINALLY got a "real" job. i have worked before but i've never been, like, OFFICIALLY hired. i know a majority of people on this website are older than i am and live in independence, but i'm happy i can finally get a taste of it. i never thought i would be able to survive on my own, i'd always thought my disabilites would forever hold me back, so i'm happy i don't have to be reliant on others anymore.
anyways, that's really all that's happened in my life recently that i'm willing to share. i have been working on shrines, because i really REALLY need a place to dump all the thoughts in my head. i decided to put everything i intend to put on this website on like notion or something before putting it on here. i know this lowkey goes against the whole reason why i wanted this website BUT i cannot be on my laptop coding all day so this will do.. i genuinely enjoy coding and having a real tangible place i can see "myself" is great.
OK i actually dont even know what im saying anymore and what i was going to say i need to stop updating this at such late hours so... goodbye..
18/12/2022
im backkk!!
hopefully i'll actually be here for a while this time! i just finished my finals which means i have officially finished my first semester of senior year + i'm now on winter break. again, it is almost 3 in the morning as i am writing this so i apologise for being incoherent. i planned on archiving this page every month but i really dont update consistently enough so i'll just wait until it feels right.
i know i keep saying this but i really love this site and i'm proud of it despite not updating it as much as i want to. one thing i need to work on is that not everything in my life needs to abide by set and specific rules. it gets hard for me to be creative sometimes because i just feel too confined by "rules" like that. i just don't want to do something "wrong". have it look wrong, the contents be wrong, etc. i think i need to let that go if i want to fully express myself. but for now, i really can't do that. i don't know how.
anyways, my life has been okay recently. i am very grateful to all my friends for making me feel so good but i can't feel happy and i don't know why. it's more of a me problem but i guess my friends and my bad mood cancel each other out.
i'm scared to see what winter break does to me because long breaks from school have historically made me feel horrible. i think it's because i lack real human interaction for so long but i feel like school has been distracting me from everything else in my mind and taking that away just. yeah. i don't know.
i think i'm going to go now. hopefully i can update more because i have nothing else to do but play genshin and valo so idk! i wanna work more on my shrines so byeeee!
28/11/2022
hi i literally need to update this site more bc i love it so much i've just been unmotivated sorru.
i literally just got home from a cruise which is crazy but i'm back to going to school tommorrow so yaaaay or boooo idk.
i've actually been feeling like shit recently im sorry i really dont feel like doing anything recently so sorry for not updating i seriously want to.
it's 12am this time so i guess that's a start. theres a lot of things i want to say right now but i dont know how to get the words out and i dont know what to do with my life sorry idk what im saying.
erm anyways i really love my friends especially cel and jules and i like kpop and ateez now it's all jules fault and theyre the only people i can have a full conversation with now it's genuinely hard to talk to other people it's hard to even talk i dont even know what im saying i m sorry.
we are currently having a very deep and heartfelt conversation right now so sorry i'm cutting this short... i'm going to try to find the motivation to update this more. i genuinely love this site im so proud of it but i just seriously cannout update it im sorry.
13/11/2022
UGH sorry for not updating this site i've actually been so lazy and too many things going on in my life right now.
uhm it's 3am and my head hurts really bad so sorry if i sound really incoherent right now but idk yeah hey i just realised i mostly update this at 3 in the morning i need to fix that.
erm firstly the biggest thing is that i've been working on college apps and stuff and idk i literally have no motivation to do so but i also really need to and ughsg idk it's not that i don't feel like it but like whenever i decide it's time for me to do it i literally dont and my head starts to hurt.
also i've been working on two projects... i'm helping create a short film and i have to fully make a song and music video so idk idk idk idk my head has been hurting so much recently bc of this like the short film is basically done at this point but i literally don't even know where to start with this song so idk writers block i guess.
also about the sat. i did so bad so i literally. whatever i donr even care but recently all i feel like doing is play valorant or like listen to music i srsly have no idea what i've been doing recently i just know my head fucking hurts so much.
i've been using twt and ig a lot so like that's all i do now and i have no life and MY HEAD HURTS SO MUCH RN OMG also i fkn hate twitter but i like tweeting about absolutely nothing and i like posting ab absolutely nothing on instagram im jsut soooo silly and unhinged omg :joy:
WHATEVER bro idk i'm trying my best to keep updating this site because i actually do enjoy doing this a lot but i've been less motivated to do things i want to do . sorr
16/10/2022
so many things have happened to me this past week. like not quantity wise but these are huuuuge moments to me.
i took the sat today (not important)(i feel like i did so bad). it's my second time taking it so whatever.
more importantly lol, ive started talking to so many friends. friends ive known so long ago that i can barely even remember why we stopped being friends. it's such an odd feeling to me. talking to them again feels like we never fell apart. it actually feels so unreal that we didnt know each other for over a year.
i kinda feel corny writing this now but that's really all i wanted to talk about. how happy i feel about everything. and the fact i couldnt even find any of my friends while we were apart, and then they suddenly pop back into my life.
it's 3:30 in the morning right now. i think i should be going to bed but recently i've been putting off working on this site. that's my bad i guess but i'll try my best to keep this going consistently.
08/10/2022
ummmmm first journal entry i guess.. i dont really know what to write, my day was pretty uneventful. all i did today was relisten to emergency intercom and work on this site. im currently on fall break which just means i take time to myself and avoid human contact for a week.
this will become more apparent as i create more entries but my mind is an actual mess and i can NOT organize my thoughts properly. me rambling is actually the most random shit ever and my mind is an enigma...
also, being the social butterfly i am (lie), i will most likely be talking about other people on here. if / when i do i will definitely be using a code name or a letter or whatever instead of their actual name for privacy purposes. also i format the dates as day/month/year because that's how my laptop is lol. also as of right now archive doesnt work because i literally just made this but im going to just reset this every month and add entries to archive.
anyways, i think thats all for now. i dont have much to say right now. i literally feel like nothing right now so idk. see u later. also have an image of my cat because i dont like empty space.
